When I graduated I was already working as a vocal coach and had several music projects. I felt like I was set, doing what I love most as a job. I had a great social life, a boyfriend, a great appartement in the city. What’s not to love? I turned 30, the number I always dreaded. Friends used to tease me, I was always complaining that I was a few years older. ” OH my gaaaawd, I’m turning 30 guys, this shit is getting real”. Other than that, I was comfortable, happy. Sure that I was ready for that next fase. I took a different road to where I was than others, but I really thought I had things sorted.
Except I didn’t.
Things changed. We moved because our appartement was getting to expensive, started to struggle with work and income. Friends moved elsewhere and some just disappeared.
Somehow I ended up here, three years later. Wondering what I want, where do I want to move if we leave this city, where do I want to raise a family? Can I even have a family, can I really provide for them? Did I make the right choices? Shouldn’t I be saving up and building a pension instead of dreaming about a Furla Metropolis bag or Gucci loafers? Why did Grey’s Anatomy kill off Dr.McDreamy? I should really start working out, and stop eating a bag of potato chips and a tub of Ben & Jerry’s every night. Or at least stop eating every time I feel any emotion whatsoever.
When I look at some of my friends, I start to wonder: am I doing things right? Marriage, a house, children….They’re already there! They’ve had their incredible cut babies, are traveling around the world, avoiding carbs and doing yoga. Is that the reason we lost touch?
My boyfriend has worked so hard this past year, and I’m couldn’t be more proud of him. He made the choice to quit music last year and started working as a software engineer. A steady job, steady income and stability and structure. It has changed so much for us, it means we get to do those things other people do when they’re in their thirties. (Or probably do before they even turn 30) Pay day feels like a little party every month.
The reality of these new life stages can be exciting, but also a bit frightening. You have to figure out on your own what to do with your life, for real now. There’s no more time to procrastinate. Nothing holding you back, but yourself.
So I’m getting ready to explore, to dive into the deep.
And I’m really going to the gym tomorrow. For real. ;-)